After a particularly chippy conference matchup between Nevada-Reno and Colorado State, some of the FKWG staff and affiliates began discussing the possibilities of a coach fight. While brawls have broken out in football, they are pretty rare (unless you’re BYU), but so is hiring a conference opponent’s coach.
With that in mind, FKWG took a decidedly unscientific approach and began breaking down the contenders for a (definitely biased) ranking. To keep things aboveboard, we’re going to show our work and allow others to re-rank based on our (or any) criteria as well. You’ll just be wrong.
Please bear in mind that this list is utter conjecture and fiction, and we have no factual basis for anything (except Jay Norvell and Ken Wilson having some old man beef). That said, conjecture and fiction is what we do best on bye week at FKWG, so let’s get things rolling!
CHOOSE YOUR FIGHTER:
Blake Anderson
- Head Coach, Utah State
- Hometown: Jonesboro, AR
- Age: 53
- Football Position: QB/WR
- Ready to Rumble: Maybe
- Catchphrase: “Bless your heart”
As a general rule of thumb, try not to start fights with football players from Arkansas. It’s likely been a minute since Coach Anderson was in a scrap, and dudes named Blake don’t come off as particularly intimidating, but underestimating a fighter is a dangerous game.
FKWG Fight Rating: 6.5/10
Marcus Arroyo
- Head Coach, Nevada-Las Vegas
- Hometown: Sacramento, CA
- Age: 42
- Football Position: QB
- Ready to Rumble: Yes
- Catchphrase: “Let’s light this candle!”
While more likely to be a fight promoter than participant, Coach Arroyo has the chops to throw down when called upon, whether it be on the gridiron or at the weigh-in stare down. Las Vegas tends to leave chance to the casinos, so look out for a weapon.
FKWG Fight Rating: 7/10
Andy Avalos
- Head Coach, Boise State
- Hometown: Corona, CA
- Age: 40
- Football Position: LB
- Ready to Rumble: Yes
- Catchphrase: “Be about it, brother!”
The youngest coach in the MWC has had to fight to get where he’s at, including firing a good friend. He’s gonna do whatever it takes to win, and he’s got the conditioning to have staying power. Coach Avalos has the distinction of having actually tussled with another coach on this list, having played defense against Timmy Chang’s Rainbow Warriors a few times.
FKWG Fight Rating: 8.5/10
Craig Bohl
- Head Coach, _yoming
- Hometown: Lincoln, NE
- Age: 64
- Football Position: DB
- Ready to Rumble: Yes
- Catchphrase: “Hell naw”
Coach Bohl is just a mild-mannered cowboy from Nebraska, which is actually terrifying when you think about it. The old man of the Mountain West, he’s not going to throw down willy-nilly, but when duty calls, he’s got an iron jaw and about three heavy haymakers locked and loaded. We don’t recommend testing him.
FKWG Fight Rating: 7/10
Brent Brennan
- Head Coach, San Jose State
- Hometown: Redwood City, CA
- Age: 49
- Football Position: WR
- Ready to Rumble: Maybe
- Catchphrase: “Easy there, bud”
Not one to tussle unnecessarily, Coach Brennan would prefer to keep the hostilities on the field. That said, you don’t coach at SJSU without a couple late night bar fight breakups. Brent has the wiry build of a guy who’s going to make you really regret skipping your cardio day.
FKWG Fight Rating: 6/10
Troy Calhoun
- Head Coach, Air Force
- Hometown: McMinnville, OR
- Age: 56
- Football Position: QB
- Ready to Rumble: No
- Catchphrase: “I don’t have time for shenanigans”
While some service academies have a rougher reputation, Air Force tends to drop bombs on conflicts, not participate in direct engagement. Coach Calhoun gives out orders, not fisticuffs. As you are unlikely to ever get him to commit to a straight fight, Troy’s bark will be worse than his bite. Most likely to call the cops.
FKWG Fight Rating: 4/10
Timmy Chang
- Head Coach, Hawaii at Manoa
- Hometown: Honolulu, HI
- Age: 40
- Football Position: QB
- Ready to Rumble: No
- Catchphrase: “Can’t touch this!”
Timmy Chang spent his quarterbacking career desperately trying to dump passes faster than defenders could get to him. He’s not going to shift gears as a coach, so look for Coach Chang to be bobbing and weaving out of trouble.
FKWG Fight Rating: 3/10
Danny Gonzales
- Head Coach, New Mexico
- Hometown: Albuquerque, NM
- Age: 46
- Football Position: S/P
- Ready to Rumble: Maybe
- Catchphrase: “Dude, seriously?”
Coach Gonzales isn’t against fighting per se, he’s just disappointed that you’ve chosen this route. A big dad-energy brawler, he’s got a slow fuse and a short endurance window, so if you can extend the fight past the first round without threatening his family, you’re home free. Tip those scales the wrong way, however, and you’re in ouchtown.
FKWG Fight Rating: 5/10
Brady Hoke
- Head Coach, San Diego State
- Hometown: Dayton, OH
- Age: 63
- Football Position: LB
- Ready to Rumble: No
- Catchphrase: “Not the face!”
Brady “The Body” Hoke is not going to willingly engage in a fight. Any attempts to force the issue will likely be met with capitulation or bargaining.
FKWG Fight Rating: 1/10
Jay Norvell
- Head Coach, Colorado State
- Hometown: Madison, WI
- Age: 59
- Football Position: DB/LB
- Ready to Rumble: Yes
- Catchphrase: “Let’s get gritty”
Madison, Wisconsin does like 3 things: Hockey, Football, and Beer. Any combination of those three will lead to fights, so you know Jay was baptized in fire. That’s not before we even get to the mustache that just screams “Disney Villain”. Coach Norvell didn’t coin the whole “grit” thing by accident, he’s willing to roll up and go anytime. More of a bar brawler than seasoned fighter, look for an initial flurry of punches followed by successively weaker strikes.
FKWG Fight Rating: 6.5/10
Jeff Tedford
- Head Coach, Cal State U – Fresno
- Hometown: Lynwood, CA
- Age: 60
- Football Position: QB
- Ready to Rumble: No
- Catchphrase: “I’m gettin’ too old for this sh*t”
Having already medically retired once, Coach Tedford is quite literally getting “too old for this sh*t”. If you catch him on a Metamucil high while in grappling range, he’s got a wicked bear hug, but that’s about it. Beware fake heart attacks that will lure you in too close.
FKWG Fight Rating: 2/10
Ken Wilson
- Head Coach, Nevada-Reno
- Hometown: Virginia, IL
- Age: 58
- Football Position: TE/LB
- Ready to Rumble: Yes
- Catchphrase: “DANGER ZOOOONE”
With a workout playlist that consists entirely of Kenny Loggins and Phil Collins, Ken Wilson is essentially Officer Farva from Super Troopers. Once he chugs his pre-game preworkout, it’s game on and he’ll take all comers who disrespect his Wolfpack. Unfortunately for Kenny, he’s much more likely to learn the “Anyone, Anywhere, Anytime” lesson like Pat Hill did at Fresno State.
FKWG Fight Rating: 6.25/10, 7/10 if there’s a litre of cola involved
FKWG Final Coach Fight Rankings:
- Andy Avalos
- Marcus Arroyo / Craig Bohl (tie)
- Jay Norvell / Blake Anderson (tie)
- Ken Wilson
- Brent Brennan
- Danny Gonzales
- Troy Calhoun
- Timmy Chang
- Jeff Tedford
- Brady Hoke
Pretty good. I think Craig Bohl probably deserves a slightly higher ranking. He’s old as hell but definitely strikes me as one that wouldn’t hesitate to throw down. He’s old school and I like him. One that interests me is a Boise State coach comparison. And if I’m being honest, Harsin would be my top pick. For whatever faults a lot of fans found in him, he was passionate and definitely a man of action. You would think the defensive guys would have a leg up, but both Avalos and Wilcox have kind of a mild manner to them. Of… Read more »
Jay Norvell, he looks like the guy who sits alone at a bar just waiting for something to happen.
Chang looks like the guy at a bar sitting in a booth by himself talking to his invisible animal buddies.
Tedford looks like the guy who sits at the bar every night. Drinks from a bottle and that bottle last till the wife goes to bed.
Bohl looks like the guy at a bar who is the neighborhood loan shark and sits alone at a table he calls his office.
Gonzales looks like the guy at a bar who starts fights but never sticks around.
Calhoun is the bartender.
Hoke is the guy who is always looking for an argument. His pounding the bar makes up for his lack of knowledge and education.
Brennan is the guy at the bar who spends more money on the pinball than on drinks.
Wilson, nobody knows why he’s at the bar but everybody has a funny feeling about why he’s there.
Anderson is the guy at the bar who owes Bohl money and thinks he can get more time by buying him drinks.
Arroyo looks like the guy who just walked in looking for the Christian Science Reading Room.
Avalos is the only guy there with a bonafide excuse. “I’m here to save souls.”
I feel for Anderson, as he lost his wife and his son so close together. That man is amazing and I hope he continues to find peace. If we are talking true toughness, he wins hands down